


Share a Childhood Smile

by small_town_girl



Category: Glee
Genre: Bullying, Family, Friendship, Gen, M/M, Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-17
Updated: 2012-04-17
Packaged: 2017-11-03 20:06:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/385419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/small_town_girl/pseuds/small_town_girl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the Glee Angst Meme: Blaine finds out that Finn doesn't like Tickles the clown and he wonders if it's the same reason why he doesn't like the creepy clown.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Share a Childhood Smile

**Author's Note:**

> Triggers: talk about child molestation/rape

“Still awake?” Blaine was surprised to find Finn seated at the kitchen table at three in the morning. He was spending the night in the Hudson-Hummel guest room, guest room being heavily stressed by Kurt’s father, so he didn’t have to drive home after the party they had to celebrate their Sectionals victory. He’d checked Kurt’s room on his way downstairs but his boyfriend was fast asleep.

“Yeah,” Finn had a mug of what Blaine guessed was warm milk and there was a pot on the stove. Kurt had mentioned teaching Finn how to make it himself for when he couldn‘t sleep, with strict instructions to wake someone if things went wrong. “Couldn’t sleep. Help yourself,” he added, gesturing to the stove.

“Thanks,” Blaine did just that. “That was pretty wild tonight.”

Finn nodded, looking far too serious and lost for someone who had helped lead his choir to a victory.

“So can I ask you something?” Blaine asked hesitantly. He and Finn were on better terms but he didn’t know if he was overstepping, but Finn nodded. “Why can’t you sleep?”

“Tickles the creepy clown,” Finn mumbled.

Blaine froze. He’d managed to ignore Tickles being at Sectionals the entire night and the last thing he needed was to be reminded of the stupid clown. Finn’s reasons couldn’t be the same as his; Finn just found clowns creepy. Tickles has never been to one of Finn’s birthdays like he’d been to Blaine’s eighth, Tickles had never told Finn to go to his bedroom to get a present, Tickles never left the party with his mom’s money and a satisfied smirk under his painted clown smile. It wasn’t possible.

*****

“Did you two sleep at all last night?” Kurt asked. Blaine was lying on the couch with his head in Kurt’s lap and Finn looked ready to pass out, curled up in Burt’s easy-chair. Both were still wearing their Pjs and had been sent to bed by Carole when she got up for her five am shift. Blaine didn’t know about Finn but he didn’t sleep at all.

“I closed my eyes,” Finn murmured. “Does that count?”

“Finn, it’s not healthy to stay up all night,” Kurt exclaimed, jostling Blaine. “And you,” he added, looking down at Blaine, “did you get any sleep or did you stay up all night too?”

Blaine forced a tired smile on his face. Hearing that Finn hadn’t slept either just added to his belief that there was a possibility that Finn had had the same encounter with Tickles. He wondered if Finn’s encounter was before his and why Finn had never told his mother had, if anything, had happened to him. If Finn had, maybe Blaine wouldn’t have had it happen to him too. He knew that wasn’t fair, he’d never told his parents either, but with all the memories floating through his head he needed someone to blame.

“Blaine?” Kurt repeated.

“Yeah?”

“Did you get any sleep last night?” he knew if he looked up at Kurt, his boyfriend would be looking down at him with concern.

“No,” he admitted and waited for the lecture. Nothing came.

He felt Kurt shift and he looked up to see Kurt had grabbed a book. Blaine took that as a sign that Kurt expected him to fall asleep but he was sure that would be impossible. Within minutes of closing his eyes, that clown face would be haunting him, leering down at him and forcing his eyes back open.

“Not tired,” he lied. Finn seemed to be doing his best to stay awake as well but Blaine knew it was just a matter of time before they gave in to sleep. He couldn’t be sure about Finn, but he knew that if he fell asleep he’d have a nightmare and Kurt would want to know what it was about. “We should watch a movie.”

“Good idea,” Finn agreed immediately from his chair.

“I’m reading, you both need sleep, and someone would have to move to put in a DVD,” Kurt argued. “I’m comfortable. Go to sleep.”

“Make me,” Blaine challenged. He forced a playful smile on his face, hoping he could entice his boyfriend into a flirt fight to distract Kurt. And if it helped keep Blaine awake, that was a bonus.

He wasn’t expecting Kurt to slide out from under him and his head hit the couch with a soft thud. He froze, unsure if he’d done something to anger Kurt or if his boyfriend was just playing along with him. He couldn’t read the expression on Kurt’s face so he just laid there, staring up at Kurt and waiting for his boyfriend’s reaction.

“Maybe I’ll just have to tire you out,” Kurt leaned down to kiss him and it wasn’t near long enough for Blaine. “Or I could leave you both here to entertain yourselves and go upstairs to read.”

“Stay,” Blaine pouted. He had a better chance of staying awake with Kurt in the room. There was also less of a chance that he’d end up blurting out the question that had been on his mind all night: Did Tickles hurt Finn too?

*****

Blaine spent the rest of Sunday alone after leaving the Hudson-Hummel house and he barely slept that night. By Monday morning he felt like a walking zombie and when he saw Finn trailing behind Kurt as the brothers walked into the school, Blaine knew Finn had also barely slept. He really had to talk to Finn and somehow figure out why clowns bothered him so much without admitting what had happened with him and Tickles. He didn’t want to confess to Finn if it hadn’t happened to Finn too.

Stupid Sectionals. If they could just have gotten real judges instead of local celebrities, none of this mess would be happening to him. He could have gone on pretending he didn’t freeze at the sight of a clown or that his whole body didn’t grow cold when a laugh reminded him too much of Tickles’ laugh. He could have gone on believing that he’d been the only kid stupid enough to fall for the clown’s tricks.

“Finn, I swear one of these times you’re going to regret spending all night playing those stupid video games,” Kurt was saying as Blaine joined them at Finn’s locker. Normally Kurt went straight to his own locker but apparently today, lecturing Finn on sleep habits was more important.

“Morning,” Kurt smiled at him then frowned. “You too. Were you playing video games all night too?”

“Just couldn’t sleep,” Blaine replied. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” Kurt took a quick look around before leaning over to give Blaine a kiss. Blaine hated that they had to be so careful about where they kissed, or even held hands, but with all the bullying they’d been through, they were both cautious. It helped that Finn partially blocked them from view.

Finn closed his locker, said goodbye, and disappeared into the choir room. Blaine went with Kurt to his locker and they’d join Finn, and probably a few more of their friends, in the choir room before class. Mr Schuester was cool with them hanging out in the choir room before class and they took advantage whenever they could. It beat being in the halls waiting to be slushied.

When they walked into the choir room, Finn was there talking to Mike and Sam, and Sugar and Brittany were giggling together while Santana sat beside them looking unamused.

“I was so excited to see Tickles,” Sugar was almost bouncing in her seat as Blaine and Kurt took seats in the middle of the two groups. “He comes to my birthday parties every year and every time I see him, he has a present for me. But he didn’t give me a present at Sectionals and since we lost, a present would have been nice.”

“You still have clowns at your birthdays?” Santana laughed but Blaine felt his skin grow cold. Was Sugar another victim? One he could have prevented if he’d spoken up.

The bell rang but Blaine didn’t go to class. He was sure Tina or Artie would text him when the teacher’s back was turned, then they’d text Kurt when he didn’t answer them, but he needed to find a quiet place to think. He was going to confront Finn about Tickles, and maybe they could talk to Sugar together. And maybe, if his suspicions were right, they’d be brave enough as a group to make sure Tickles couldn’t hurt anyone else.

*****

“Hey Finn, can I talk to you?” Blaine managed to find Finn alone at his locker before lunch. Normally Rachel was attached to his side, yammering on about which song would be best suited for her to sing for her next solo. Blaine liked Rachel well-enough but he was really hoping that Tina got the solo. He thought her voice suited the song she‘d chosen. “The choir room should be empty, right?”

“Yeah,” Finn followed him. “Is it going to take long? I’m kind of hungry.”

“I don’t think so,” Blaine replied, not adding that if his suspicions were true, neither of them would likely be hungry. Once they got to the choir room, Blaine checked Mr Schuester’s office to make sure it was empty, then he closed and locked both doors. No sense in the privacy if they left the doors open.

“So what’s up?”

“I’m not really sure how to start,” Blaine sighed as he took a seat and ran his fingers through his hair.

Finn sat next to him, looking as uncomfortable as Blaine felt. “Is this about Kurt? Cause if it is, I’m on his side. He’s my brother. And my door doesn’t lock.”

“No,” Blaine shook his head. “It’s about Tickles.”

He watched Finn’s face closely for a reaction, hoping for confusion but expecting fear. And it was fear he got, briefly, before Finn managed to cover it up with a frown.

“You said he was at one of your parties?” Blaine pressed. He was absolutely sure now that Tickles had done the same thing to Finn as he’d done with him. Maybe it was selfish on his part but Blaine needed to hear Finn confirm it, to tell him that he wasn’t the only kid who’d fallen for the clown’s tricks.

“Yeah,” Finn said quietly. “When I was six. My mom worked overtime for two weeks to pay for him.”

With that one revelation, Blaine could understand why Finn had never said anything. He’d met Carole and he knew how guilty she’d feel, and he knew the clown’s lies could easily convince a naïve child that their parents would be disappointed in them for not appreciating all the work they’d done for the party. It was the same reasoning he’d used so many nights when he was lying in bed awake, thinking he should tell someone what had happened.

“I was eight,” he confessed.

They spent the entire lunch hour talking, unaware that Kurt and Rachel were in the cafeteria wondering where their boyfriends had gone.

*****

Blaine went to his next class, convinced everyone was staring at him. He could hear whispers coming from all around him but when he turned in their direction, the other students made it a point not to look at him. He felt like everyone knew his secret but that was impossible. The room had been empty and the doors locked. No one could have overheard him and Finn. It was impossible. His mind was just playing tricks on him now that he’d finally said the truth out loud. That was it.

“Blaine Anderson,” the teacher said his name and Blaine looked up to see a freshman standing in the classroom doorway. “Mr Schuester needs to see you in his office.”

Blaine gathered his stuff and left. It was his only class without another member of New Directions so he had no idea if Mr Schuester only wanted to see him or if everyone had been called. He walked quickly, with his eyes on the ground, until he reached the choir room. It wasn’t until he saw the rest of New Directions sitting there that he relaxed. It wasn’t about his and Finn’s secret, it must be about the group.

But then why did he feel like everyone was staring at him and why was Kurt crying and why did Puck look ready to kill someone?

Finn looked just as clueless as Blaine felt. They knew. It was the only explanation that made sense. Somehow, someway, they knew about the conversation he and Finn had just an hour ago.

“Have a seat Blaine,” Schuester said and Blaine took the empty seat in between Kurt and Finn. He didn’t miss how he and Finn were in the middle of the group. They had nowhere to run. “Jacob Ben Israel posted an article on his gossip blog right after lunch. He was made to take it down but not before a lot of people saw it and that means there’s a lot of rumors going around the school.”

“So Hobbit and Frankenteen were stupid enough to get tickled by Tickles,” Santana scoffed from behind Blaine and he wanted the floor to open and swallow him. She was voicing exactly what he’d been afraid of; he never said no so he deserved it. He was the one to blame. “Is that really surprising? The clown’s a creep and they’re idiots. What is surprising is that Tickles is into midgets and chubs.”

“Santana, that’s enough!” Blaine turned, expecting to see Schuester ready to drag Santana to the principal’s office. But their teacher wasn’t the one who’d spoken, it was Puck, who had been sitting in front of Finn before he’d jumped to his feet.

“San, Blaine and Finn are hurt and sad,” Brittany’s innocent voice rang through the air. “Don’t you care that our friends are sad?”

Blaine didn’t want to wait for her answer. He used the distraction of everyone looking at Santana to slip past Puck and Shuester and the bolted for the door. He was leaving Finn to all the questions but Finn had Rachel, Puck, and Kurt with him so Blaine was sure he’d be fine. But he wasn’t fine. He couldn’t breathe. He had to find air.

*****

“Hey,” Blaine heard Kurt say quietly from behind him. He turned to look at his boyfriend as Kurt sat on the bleachers next to him. “Mr Schue’s taking Santana to the principal’s office. She got worse after you left. I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault she’s right,” Blaine muttered.

“Blaine Anderson, stop talking like that right now,” Kurt scolded. Kurt always did hate when he got down on himself. “You were a kid. It’s not your fault that Tickles is a pervert who needs to be locked up. And that’s the nicest thing I want to happen to him. If the police don’t find him before my dad and Carole, there won’t be a body to find.”

“Do they know yet?”

Kurt shook his head. “Puck and Rachel are taking Finn home now. Do your parents know?”

“No,” Blaine replied. He’d tried to tell them a few times when he’d gotten older but he just couldn’t bring himself to actually confess. He was scared that they’d blame him or that his dad would blame what had happened on his sexuality. Or even worse that his dad would believe that Tickles is the reason he was gay. His dad still needed a reason why he couldn’t be perfect like his older brother. “I guess they will now. Did someone call the police?”

“Mr Schue said he was going to,” Kurt told him and Blaine sighed. He probably should get home so he could warn his parents. His dad was going to be angry and his mom would panic at how this scandal would make them look. Their son was stupid and had sex with a clown, their son was a pervert, those poor parents having no control over their sex-addict son, Blaine could hear the gossip at the next charity event already. “Do you want to come home with me? Finn’s not telling our parents until I get home but I don’t want to leave you alone. You shouldn’t be alone right now.”

“I don’t want to intrude,” he said. It wasn’t polite to intrude, he heard his mother’s voice in his head.

“You’re practically family and you’re involved,” Kurt apparently had no problem with him intruding. “After you left, Finn told us that you asked him to talk. Because of you, we’re going to make sure this guy pays for all the kids he’s hurt.”

“Because of me the whole school knows,” Blaine really wished he’d gone to the gym instead of the football field. He’d really like to punch something. “You think Santana’s the only one who feels that way? It’s going to be a nightmare.”

Kurt reached out and took his hand. “We can get through it.”

“I just don’t understand how anyone heard us,” Blaine sighed. “We were alone, I locked the doors, and we weren’t talking very loud.”

“Rachel had Lauren set up microphones in the choir room and she must not have taken them down,” Kurt told him, giving his hand a squeeze. “Jacob must have listened to you guys talking and since he’s incapable of doing the right thing, he spread it all over school. Usually I wouldn’t wish a dumpster dive on anyone but I won’t feel sorry if it happens to him tomorrow.”

That actually got a laugh out of him.

“I’m not ready to face my parents,” he confessed.

“You’ll always be welcome at my house,” Kurt promised. “Let’s get out of here.”

*****

They walked through the front door of Kurt’s house and the silence hit Blaine like a rock. Never had the house seemed so quiet when everyone was home. They found Carole and Burt sitting on either side of Finn on the couch and Rachel and Puck sitting in chairs Blaine recognized from the dining room. They’d left the big easy chair open for them.

His eyes met Finn’s and he couldn’t look away. He expected to see blame and accusation in them, after all it was Blaine who’d cornered him and made him talk about the secrets they’d buried, but instead he found acceptance and gratitude. Finn actually seemed relieved that their secret was out.

“Why don’t you boys have a seat,” Carole suggested and Blaine let Kurt lead him to the chair. He sat first and Kurt perched himself on the arm, one hand resting on the back of Blaine’s neck for support. “Finn said he wanted to wait until you both got home.”

“I have to be honest Kids,” Burt spoke up, “this is all making me a little nervous. What’s so important that you’re all skipping school and we had to come home from work?”

Silence. No one wanted to talk. Blaine had no idea how to start, and he didn’t feel it was his place to tell Finn’s parents, he guessed Finn had no idea how to start either, and Kurt, Rachel, and Puck were probably waiting for one of them to speak.

“Kids?” Burt tried again.

“You can tell us anything,” Carole added.

Blaine met Finn’s eyes again and he nodded. They could do it. Together.


End file.
